Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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