she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
