you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
