you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
