I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
