Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
