The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
