I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
