dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
