I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
