The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
