I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
