I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So gin and wine won't be happening again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
