we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
