I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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