she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
