At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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