I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
