I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
