Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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