it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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