you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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