Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
