my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
