Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
