It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
