Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
