You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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