I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just high enough for therapy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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