Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
