doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
