Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
