just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
