No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
