i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
