Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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