Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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