u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
