I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
