I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
