Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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