so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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