I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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