You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
