I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
