Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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