I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
