Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
