Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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