When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
