ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
