just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
