you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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