i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
