so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
